Love Your Valentine

Well, Valentine's Day is just two days away and, depending on who you are, you either love it or you consider it to be terribly overrated and can't wait for February 15th to arrive. I happen to love it. Besides the glorious excuse for a date night, it can be a wonderful opportunity to assess the health of your marriage and reflect on how you can love one another better. Of course you should be doing this continually throughout the year, but why not take advantage of a day set aside for this purpose!

Here are a couple of ideas for making this Valentine's Day extra sweet:

1. Start your date early. Instead of waiting until the kids are in bed to go out, get a sitter to come early. Enjoy a dinner out from 5-7 or 6-8. Then come home to a quiet house and delight in a dessert and movie together. Your evening will be extended and you'll only be paying a babysitter for half of your date!

2. Skip the gifts. My husband and I crave time with each other more than a material token of our affection (this is just a personal preference). So we decided (earlier this evening actually) to skip the gift-giving component of the occasion and spend a little more on our date. This meant opting for a restaurant with a more romantic ambience than the Pizza Box down the street.

3. Intangible Props. If you decide to skip the gifts, but don't want to forsake the fun and thoughtfulness that goes into gift-giving, come up with "mental props" that will remind you both of a precious moment in the past. Share them over dinner and enjoy reliving the memories!

4. Be spontaneous. As young parents, it's likely that your chances for spontaneity are few and far between. So take advantage of this occasion to do just that! Grab a quick bite to eat and head to an Art Museum, the Aquarium, or a coffee shop in some part of town that is typically too far and out of the way to venture to with small children.

31 Days of Prayer for Your Husband

I just read about a brilliant idea that is guaranteed to bless your marriage! It's a document that contains 31 daily prayers for your husband, including 2 or 3 Biblical verses from which each prayer is derived. Check out the blog site below. If you become a follower of the Better Life Bags blog and leave your e-mail address in the comment box, or if you become a fan of the blog on Facebook, she'll e-mail you the document. She even shows you how to make your own prayer flip book if you prefer a more aesthetic presentation.

http://betterlifebags.blogspot.com/2010/04/homemade-photo-flip-book.html

The Bible promises that prayer is effective (James 5:16). It's a wonderful expression of love for your spouse, and continual prayer will serve to remind you of the necessity of God's grace in your marriage. So whether you follow the pattern mentioned above, or another, make praying for your beloved a habitual practice.

Dads and Donuts

With dads who work long hours during the week and don't get to spend as much time with their little ones as the mommies do, it's important that we help them carve out some daddy and son/daughter time.

Here's a short list of potential activities:

1. Dads and Donuts - My sister-in-law told me that most Saturdays her husband will take the kids to a park to meet up with other dads and their kids. The dads rotate picking up donuts for everyone to enjoy.

2. Putt-Putt - My brother takes his 3-year-old son to play putt-putt on Saturday mornings. It's precious one-on-one time and it's hard to tell who has more fun - the father or the son!

3. Yard work - The kids can play outside with dad while he does yard work. They'll likely even offer to "help." While this won't be the most efficient way to get the work done, they'll have fun being together!

4. Basketball court - If your husband loves basketball, he could take the kids to a public court. They will all have a blast chasing and bouncing balls and your husband may even get to practice his jump shot!

5. Ice cream date - All daddies and kids love ice cream (right??) and this is a sure-fire way to make some sweet memories! Check your local ice cream store for kid's nights. Baskin-Robbins usually has a kid's night where you can get a kid's cup for $1 each!

6. Bath time - My husband will often give the kids their bath. This has proven to be an incredibly sweet time because the boys stay (somewhat) contained. Because they're always up and moving, I usually don't get this much face to face time and I'm with them for most of the day!

Remember to Put Him First

As young moms, we often find ourselves consumed with our children. It is easy when our little ones are so dependent on us to put them in first, second and even third place (even if we only have one child!) in our home. What we forget when this is the case is that our relationship with our husbands, aside from our relationship with God, is the most important here on earth. We can read numerous parenting books at a time, but do we ever read anything about marriage? We can pray and pray for our little ones throughout the day - that they would know Jesus and walk humbly with Him, for their health and safety, that we would be patient with them, that we would have wisdom in how to best love them - but are we praying for these same things for our husbands?

This is a unique season in our lives and we should not beat ourselves up for giving our children extra attention - they need and demand it - but we would do well to keep in mind that our primary calling, over being a mother, is being a wife. The Lord calls us to love our spouse by doing and saying things to encourage him and build him up. Seek ways to love your husband and to remind him, and yourself, that he is your first love.

Date Night!

While you may feel like "mommy duty" will never end and that you and your husband have become little more than ships passing in the night, then do not delay to plan (and execute!) a date night! Do not let excuses such as no money, no babysitter, no ideas, no time keep you from doing this. It is SO IMPORTANT for your marriage that you not let these years pass by with you're thinking of each other more as mommy and daddy than sweetie, honey, dear, lovey, darling...you get the point. I've heard from brilliant friends who have found ways around the potential road blocks to your night (or morning) away from the kiddos.

1. NO MONEY: Aren't the vast majority of us in this boat? The expenses at this stage in life seem to pile so high we can't see the top, so how can we possibly justify spending $50 or even $100 on a date night? If you can't justify it, then don't! Think of alternatives to a fancy dinner + movie + coffee afterwards. One friend of mine frequently exercises with her husband on date night. They play tennis, go for a walk, bike, etc. At no cost they enjoy each other's company and get a workout besides - brilliant! One of my favorite dates last year was packing a picnic and taking it to one of our favorite spots in the city. The cost was no more than eating at home and we didn't have a waiter interrupt our romantic conversations once. :) If you want to go out, try to pick a place that doesn't have someone who will wait on your table, thereby saving money on the tip.

2. NO BABYSITTER: No babysitter, no problem. Okay, problem. There are ways around this though (at least not having to pay a sitter). I have coordinated with friends before so that we swap date nights. I'll go over to her house on her date night and vice versa. This way you both get a night with your hubby, and you get to enjoy an evening without having to cut your spouse off in the middle of his gushy love speech because you want to make it back home before it costs you an extra 10 bucks (or almost worse when you reach that gray area when you went 12 minutes over the hour and aren't sure how much extra you should pay). If you want to take it to the next level, you could organize a swap among several couples in your neighborhood. Assign someone to be the tab keeper and you could date for every time you're willing to babysit.

3. NO IDEAS: There are no movies that you care to see, no restaurants that you're excited to try (I can't fathom this), and you just don't think it's worth all of thinking effort that it takes to go out. I would imagine that this is not as common, but if you find yourself in this ditch, here are some ideas to pull you out...go to a coffee shop, go bowling, ice skating, roller skating, stroll through downtown (walk through really nice hotel lobbies - I love this!), go to a play, the opera, just go out for dessert, get tickets to a game (even minor league games can be fun), have a progressive meal where you go to a different restaurant for appetizers/drinks, main course and then dessert. I don't know how you've felt reading this, but writing it has challenged me to step outside the box on our next date (we are the straight to the restaurant and straight home kind of couple). It really doesn't matter what you do, just enjoy the time together!

4. NO TIME: It is so easy during this phase of life when you are young parents to think that you are truly doing the best for your child by being with them all the time, at the expense of spending time with your spouse. I've heard this so many times and I believe it to be so true (and biblical!) that the best thing you can do for your children is to love your wife/husband well. Make the time. Make it work. If your spouse works late, go in the morning. If you're always too tired on Friday night, go on Tuesday instead (this happens to be my favorite date night, I'm not too tired by the week's activities and there are no lines and no need for reservations!). We are called to love our spouses and we just can't do that well unless we talk to him, spend time with him, focus on him, the latter of which is sometimes impossible to do fully with kids underfoot. The payoff with DEFINITELY be worth it - benefitting both your relationships with your spouse and your kids!